One more day, and I'm done with my first teaching practicum.

I must say this has been a fabulous and encouraging experience. I really learned a lot about the school, students, staff, how a school works....

But that dread of not being able to do as well is always at the back of my head, because this school is unusual. The school I have my prac at is the one and only IEC (Intensive English Centre) that is also recognised as a High School that enrols only newly arrived migrants, refugees and international students. Because of that factor, most of the students are friendly, shy and well-behaved. Both students and staff are extremely diverse in their cultures, and there're lots of bilingual support staff there to do translation. I went into an Art class once and in there were (excluding me) four adults with 18 students.

My supervising teacher gave me the two most troublesome classes. Well, no matter where you're from, kids are still kids, but these kids are a lot more manageable than kids in a normal high school.... so I'm not that thrilled with some of my success with them.

This school is very dynamic with lots of variables. Students come and go. They stay for 1-3 terms, then leave for local High Schools. New students are taken in on a monthly, weekly, sometimes daily basis. Teachers often won't know till a new kid sits in class that oh, there is a new student! That happened to me twice. One of the teachers told me that she had only 3 students in her foundation class at the beginning of the term. By the middle of the term, it had grown to 10.

I witnessed something amazing but frustrating today. Sometimes, instead of assembly, they have language meetings. Students go to different language meetings depending on their home languages. There, a teacher goes through each item with them in their own language. Well, in today's language meetings, the students had to fill in a survey of Young Australian for Mission Australia. The thing is, that survey is absolutely horrendous in terms of wording for ESL STUDENTS!

Depression, self-harm, financial security... (one girl didn't even know the meaning of "parents").

The teacher raced through the defintion of each term while students figured out how to rank each item. While they did that, they missed the explanation. That teacher did an incredibly good job with the translation. Anyway, it was a pretty hectic meeting. All the staff complained about it back in the staffroom.

I had the chance to take in lieu classes. My supervising teacher teaches HSIE. Even though my majors are Eng/ESL, I don't get to teach English. In the in lieu classes, I finally got a chance to teach English, and it had been wonderful and fun, getting the kids to play description-guess-that-person game, "Who has ____?" in the class and from textbook pictures.... Anyway, it IS different. This is not literature, but more to do with everyday and grammar stuff. One of the students described me in the guess-that-person game. I banned some of the words already used, so he was trying really hard not to use them.

I had to mark the information report assessment for a class I taught. It was very interesting to read about their families and cultures. This is truly multicultural.

I wish my second prac will be just as encouraging and valuable.

It has been a good semester. The four courses I took turned out to be better than expected.

Jane Austen: never liked her books, but now I understand why she's so popular, and I can see that she really was a fantastic writer. Mansfield Park... how could she have written it so realistically without experiencing it herself?

Educational Psychology 2: it's against my policy to sign up for a course which is a follow-up of another course, unless the first course is excellent in every way. I took it though, because of timetable constraint and it turned out to be quite useful and insightful.

History of English: more than I expected, and harder than anything I've ever done (in the first few weeks anyway). Managed to get a pass for the hardest assessment - on old english. Everything else was less-taxing and more comprehensible. It's one of those rare courses that actually starts from the hardest and ends on the easiest assessment.

Refiguring dreams: Didn't like most of the prescribed novels in the course, except one collection of short stories at the beginning of the semester and a novel at the end of the semester. Imagine my frustration prowling through Lolita and Tender Buttons (no, I never did finish them) and my despair for ever finding a book that could interest me enough so I could write about it in the exam! Thankfully, Ragtime came in and saved me.

I'm nearing the end of the course. So far, we've covered what knowledge is and the approaches to learning.

The problems involve:

- is the knowledge we teach in schools absolute?
- is there such thing as absolute knowledge?
- what exactly is knowledge?
- do children have a say in what they learn?
- should we measure people with one standard?
- is test the best way to evaluate learning?

My position is the middle - critical approach. Teachers are instructors and co-learners. They are and are not experts. Students are both passive and active. More scaffolding and active engagement in learning. The downside is the measurement/assessment part, and that teachers need more skills and training.

I just finished an essay asking whether freedom or compulsion is the best way to educate the young. well, neither, and both. I've always thought that taking the middle position is like sitting on the fence. I'm indecisive, I'm uncertain, I've no solution, I'm idealistic. But the lecturer said something that makes terrible sense. It's the middle position that is most difficult to take. A majority of people are more comfortable taking a side. That's the easy step.

I feel my position is not valid because I'm the in the camp with the smallest number of people. Amazing how looking at the philosophy of something else can give me back my confidence in my own opinion of things.

This course is the easiest, most fun and most challenging course I've ever taken in uni. It's easy in that I've no trouble meeting its intellectual demands. It's fun as it explores contentious areas that have no black and white answers. It's challenging as it requires you to break down the argument and give evidence to support your own.

It's challenging as it makes me see the world in a new way....... so much so that my belief in Christianity is, yes, I'll admit it, it's unravelling. Frankly, this IS disturbing. What I'm learning isn't even aimed at the religion debate, yet it has such far-reaching impact. Right now, I'm at a loss. I've always been uncertain about what I do, but I've always been certain at my beliefs and values. Beliefs in God, beliefs in universal truths, beliefs in respect for parents, beliefs in relative truth according to circumstances. Certain in my state of thinking, in the conclusions of my own analysis of my feelings and actions.

But right now, I'm at a loss. I'm not sure where my confusion begins and where it ends. What it involves exactly. Is my faith nothing but an illusion or has it been true? how can it be true when it can unravel so quickly by something that isn't on the surface related to it? - maybe I think too much. Is it just my perception or not? is He allowing this confusion to happen or there is no such He at all? can I be a Christian if I wasn't brought up as one? have I ever made a decision to believe or have I not? have I always been believing in God's ideals/values rather than God himself? (that makes a big difference. Like Buddhism vs Christianity)

I've never ever been so confused in my life, not even when I had to decide between teaching and social work.

and I really can't be bothered to sort it all out. I should.... at some stage.....

Am I glad I took this course? seriously -

I don't know.

Today's tutorial proved to be the most challenging as Grey, the tutor, played with logic. I was already mentally exhausted from researching on my philosophy essay question, and today's tut was just too much. uh yeah, yesterday I had a panic attack from all these ideas of freedom, autonomy, absolute truth, political manipulation of education... It didn't help that I recently (while researching) read part of an article on teachers killing students with ideas, and suddenly, I had this sinking feeling that maybe it wasn't that good an idea to teach after all.

It really did scare me there, but a night's sleep did the trick. yeah, so today, we continued on with last week's tutorial. Last time we were discussing what is "justified true belief" using the belief in/against God as an example, this time we discussed the following maths equation:

2 + 2 = 4

What are the points FOR this truth, and AGAINST this truth?

After that, we looked at validity and soundness. I'll give some examples here:

Premise: All persons are imperfect.

Premise: I'm a person.
Conclusion: Therefore I'm imperfect.

Premise: All swans are white.

Premise: This animal that looks like a swan is black.
Conclusion: Therefore it is not a swan.

well, I think the most impressive point I got out of the tutorial is that what is proven through "induction" is not necessarily true...

What are they?

These are the main questions raised in the anime "Zegapain". It's somewhat "Matrix"-like but not quite.

Humans without real bodies now live as data in quantum servers, but due to the limit of the servers, only what is necessary is manifested. The servers reset themselves every five months to preserve the data, cutting off growth that would overload the servers. In essence, there's no forward progression as everything achieved (reconciliation, make new friends, marriage etc etc) is wiped out, then "humans" go through the same motion again and again, experiencing Deja Vu.

The real world is in a horrific state. The person who spread the virus, forcing mankind to take refuge by becoming data (meta-bodies), is only interested in further experiment on human evolution - immortality. With far more superior technology, operating on  accelerated-time, he creates the Gards-Orm whom, in addition to being Meta-bodies, are able to operate with real human bodies and revive indefinitely. The Gards-Orm don't fear death, for to them, death is just a transfer to another waiting body.

The Gards-Orm's fight against the rest of the servers scattered on Earth triggers the servers to spit out Celebrants. Celebrants are data-people living on the servers who 'awaken' to the truth of their reality. They come to realise they're just data, that the real world has already been destroyed and that they no longer have real bodies. The Celebrants' memories alone aren't reset, so they go through the motion knowing what other people would say and do. Their main task is to protect the servers and help revive humanity - i.e bring back their bodies.

But to fight in the real world requires a transfer process... uh well, don't remember the basis of the process (probably coz I don't quite get it, gotta find that bit again). Everytime a person goes through that process, he loses a bit of his data, that includes either his physical data (of the simulated physical body) or his memories.

Our main character, Kyo, "died" in a battle and lost part of his memory. When he reawakens with his physical data restored (like the price of  resurrection, uh?), he becomes an entirely different person. His personality's changed. He no longer remembers what he's done and the people he used to be with.. even love.

What is reality? The question is twofold. What is reality to Kyo himself, who has been reborn once and is no longer the same as his old self? And what is reality to the people living on the servers, who repeat what they do and say every five months without any forward progression? Are they real?

Is Kyo fighting to save an illusion? A world that no longer exists?

What is it to be human? Are the Gards-Orm human, though they don't fear death and seem to be incapable of feeling emotions? Are the people on the servers human, having lost their bodies, existing in a world that repeats itself again and again?

What about immortality?

I felt a deep and moving sadness watching "Zegapain" (meaning: great pain) as I watched Kyo struggle to find the answers. There's a scene that stays strong in my mind, when Kyo reaches out a hand and the spark of a real fire passes straight through his finger. This reminds me of  "Empiricism", a philosophy that says knowledge is gained through sense-based experience. To see, to touch, to smell, to hear...

Reality. Reality is what you make it to be. I think, therefore, I am. uh, forgot what this philosophy's called.. it's mentioned in the anime, and I even came across it last semester at uni! 

How far can you push that boundary of reality? Grudgingly, I think the data-people are real. To them, they are real, but to the Celebrants, they're not. I guess what is "real" is up to individual's interpretation and perception. We don't have the right to say 'this is more real than that' for others.

in the end, humans are able to regain their bodies. The conclusion uttered by Kyo is thus: "Actually, it's okay to live in the server forever, but reality is amazing. The real sky, real flowers, real waves. I want to touch everything in this world with my hands. So I think, for all these years, even a limited life is fine."

Episode 12 of "Denno Coil" relays the entire history of human folly in just under 15 minutes.

The way it is done is absolutely ingenious.

The kids are infected by some type of illegal computer virus, and they all start to grow beards. The girls are obviously panicking that they'd never get married, the boys should be happy they're showing signs of 'manliness' but a digital beard is just too much.

Long story short, the beards turn out to be alive. Each beard is a colony of living matter (albeit digital). The granny manages to invent a device (though she really should be inventing a vaccine instead) that allows communication between the colony and the kid (where the colony's striving on). Because the kids can see what's happening through this device, they can prevent disasters and such, and they become gods.

But within colony itself, war ensues. At first, the beard people are happy to have a god, and they worship the kids. As time passes, they begin to bicker among themselves and forget about their gods. Prophecy from the God Yasako predicts "beardageddon" (armageddon... that's too funny), and it comes true! war quickly evolves into nuclear war, and technology allows space travel (travelling from one beard to another - one kid's face to another), spreading the war to other uh ha, galaxies.

The kids are sad. One of the girls said it'd be better if the colonies just destroy each other and be done with it. More than once, the kids comment that the beard people are like humans in their foolishness, haste to grow and love for war.

In the end, the colonies agree to peace. Greatly decimated, the beard people leave to find new peace on a new land.

Ridiculous situation, funny and humorous in 'becoming gods', sad and frustrated by the beard people's inability to learn from past mistakes... while the audience laughs, they're also saddened. So what are we really laughing at?

A very impressive episode.

Since getting paulewog's pm, I've been checking CF on and off. A big surprise awaited when I returned after a few weeks of absence.

Christian Forums is now changed to FORU.MS (weird site name), and all forums are opened to Christians and non-Christians alike.

Rules are wiki-based in that members of each sub-forum get to vote on the rules. (community based rules. Kind of a bit unclear are and causing some chaos in its initial stage of implementation)

Non-christians can become staff if they have enough votes (all staffs are now voted on by members)

I think Erwin's very ambitious. By taking the name 'christian' off the site, he's making the site more transparent and accepting. This way, the site becomes a site for all, not just Christians. Sure, Christian-based forums (though now opened to non-christians) "Christian advice" have rules that allow questionings from non-christians but not debating. In essence, the site still has its Christian section, but the 'power' of the forum no longer rests in Christian hands.

On the other hand, this move might prevent new influx of christians and have already seen some christians leaving for other sites. Christians can still look for fellowship at CF/UF, but that isn't the main purpose of the forums anymore. The purpose is to facilitate communication between different groups, guided by Christian principles. A social-networking site with the vision to outreach......

But... would it work in the long run? This factor was obviously one of the reasons for the site changes. But if the entire staffs was replaced by non-christians, and if certain christian subforums vote to become christian-only (which is already in discussion in one of the less trafficked forums), what purpose does that serve? Wouldn't that create niche groups? wouldn't that just make things worse? when rules are changed to adhere to the wishes of the majority, where does that leave CF/UF's vision?

Erwin's always struck me as an exceptionally brilliant leader, one who can take the best from both sides of the argument. I believe... uh, no.. I hope and pray that God's still working through him, because He really has done a lot through the site.

It's sad to see the word "christians" disappear. Shock, amazed, yet thrilled at the same time at what Erwin hopes to achieve. But the idea won't work if the site keeps losing Christians. You can't even goggle the site with the word "christian" anymore, whereas previously, the site would have appeared right on the top of the search page. 

Will it work? In the long run..... let's wait and see what will happen in the long run, shall we? *ponderous*

"What kind of country do you want?"
"With a green field... I want a country where no one starves. Nobody is homeless because he has lost a family. People live their everyday lives without worrying about war and starvation. I've always wanted a country that can be rich without throwing away its children."
- 12 Kokuki (Alternate title of the novels and anime - 'The Twelve Kingdoms')

According to the dictionary, "Ideal" means - a conception of something in its perfection. I'm no scholar, so I don't know whether my title of today's entry is an oxymoron. Can something that is ideal has a cost?

I found the novels of 12 Kokuki and have just recently finished reading some of it. The novels give new insights into the world that the anime fails to deliver. It was an interesting but difficult read, as I had to struggle through the simplified version of Chinese (translated from original Japanese). 12 Kokuki is fantasy with an ancient Chinese setting (altered) and ancient Chinese custom. The twelve nations are governed each by a King and a Kirin (sacred creature that can take the form of a human), and underneath them, the government and military officials of different provinces. Those who have attained the seats of official power are given eternal life. They live forever unless their status is taken away.

But here is something very interesting. A god shapes the entire world. This god created Kirins, who have the sole mission to choose the Kings. The throne is not hereditary. A King, whether he was previously a farmer or just a school girl, will become King once he/she is chosen by a Kirin. The King will only die if he breaks the rules set down by the god, which mostly involves doing something horrible to the people - like a Tyrant. When the King loses his life, the country is automatically plunged into chaos by monsters: the setting up of a new King can restore order. The Kirin and the King are partners in that Kirin is the physical manifestation of the will of the people. Kirin is merciful, kind and tender-hearted. Kirin Abhors war and is weak against blood. A King can be hard and make decision necessary to ensure the prosperity of the nation. A combination of Kirin and King makes a combination of mercy and harsh necessity. Hence, a balance.

Ideal isn't it? If a benevolent King cannot die, then the country will continue to prosper so long as the King stays focussed.

But then here comes the catch.

First, it's strictly forbidden to interfere in other countries' affairs. Obviously, war with another results in the death of the King. You'd think war usually translates to war for personal gain, but there is a case in which a King made war with another who was a tyrant. Though the intention was good, the King died. *note: civil war is an exception.

Second, once chosen, the King only has one thing to do: to govern a country. Being given eternal life and authority, he has the responsibility to bear it to the end of his days (oh, that is, unless he turns bad).

Third, a Kirin is the same. His one and only mission is to choose the King and help make and maintain a peaceful, prosperous country. He is the next most powerful person in the country, second only to the King. However, a Kirin must obey the King in all things. And that is Everything. If a King wants the Kirin to kill, even though it's against his nature, Kirin would carry out the order. To say Kirin lives for the country, it's more apt to describe the entire scenario as - the King lives for the country and Kirin lives for the King.

Fourthly, appointed by Heaven, the King and Kirin are not all-powerful. They are immortals, but they can die if they bleed enough. This is the case with one of the nations, in which the Kirin has been wounded to such a state that he's lost all his power as a Kirin, and the King has gone into hiding. The insurgents seized power not because the King has been making barbaric demands that are characteristic of a tyrant, but because the head of the insurgents harbours deep hatred towards the Kingdom itself and wants to see it wrecked into an irrecoverable state. With both Kirin and King incognito, the country falls prey to monsters for 6 years (and continuing, because the novels aren't finished). As the Kirin isn't dead, a new Kirin won't be born, and a new King won't be chosen. As the King is unable to take back control (for whatever reason it is) and as he doesn't have the Kirin there to prove his identity and hence rouse the support of the entire nation, he can only remain hidden.

12 Kokuki explores a world where measures have been set in place to ensure peace. "Enforced peace" is more like it, since the King cannot survive unless he is good to the people. War is also next to impossible because invading another country would result in the death of the King and Kirin, and prosperity of the country. Civil war, if caused by the King's oppressive behaviour, will also strike the King dead. Kirin picks the King according to the god's decision. So what can go wrong?

Yet war still exists in the twelve Kingdoms.

Ah, I see my train of thought has run off into another area. Does all evil stem from human nature?

Who possibly believes that humans are good by nature?

Coming back to the price of the ideal world, 12 Kokuki, though fantasy and written in a manner more suited to young adult with a content that appeals more to adults (doesn't that make you wonder why Asian teenagers are much more mature?), tells a heart-broken story of the Kingdoms' struggle to maintain peace and prosperity. Despite its short length (classified as light novels) and being dialogue dominated (descriptions in eastern novels are often less wordy and more exaggerated), 12 Kokuki's characters and people seem to be trapped in a never-ending cycle of peace and war. Looks similar to our world, doesn't it? Is that why the author has abandoned 12 Kokuki to pursue other writings because she cannot find a solution? For the first time, since watching the anime more than a year ago, I feel the terrible burden of the story in its entirety.

Appalling and horrendous, extremely forlorn, heart-rending and agonising.

I think it frightens me.

The selection for courses in second semester is extremely narrowed. It feels like when second sem comes around, the entire uni sinks into some kind of a lassitude. More undesirable courses are offered, and sure, the weather is wintry and cold...

My timetable is really messed up as I dropped two and added two other courses. Now I've to travel everyday and I can't spare as much time for work as I used to. Got to get up at 6:30 everyday (except monday, unless I've work). I got four hours of break both on tue and thur.. totally unbelievable! and I'm doing an english course on the crime genre. I hope I can cope, because the last time I read a crime novel, I got nightmares... and because of timetable difficulty, I've to do a course in sign language rather than old english. This has better be interesting.

On the other hand, I'm having a blast writing character interaction with Sue. Our characters don't trust each other, and their hostility sees no signs of abating. Come to think of it, I wonder whether they loathe each other.... uh, that'd be stretching a bit. Still, with the way they're going, it won't be surprising if they go for each other's throat. ^.^ I'm having so much fun reading her character's response and my character's thoughts. Just can't stop taunting each other! We had a similar pair of characters in another thread, but never got around to the cool part because the thread died too early, but this time, things are different. oh, gee... can't stop laughing!

David's going back to the US tomorrow. We always said we'd catch up but never gotten around to it. I wonder whose idea it was to have dinner before he leaves. Could either be mum (she's been lamenting it on the phone even though she's not here!), Big Uncle or one of the cousins... hey, but Lillian has actually caught a plane to HK after she said she'd organise something.

On the anime front, I started getting some anime in chinese sub because they come out faster. Bro's having problem with it because it's in simplified Chinese. Who wouldn't want to read traditional Chinese? but I couldn't find any. Most subs seem to be in the simplified version. The first time I watched a chi-sub episode, I had to watch it twice to get it. I relied more on my ears as my eyes couldn't register the words fast enough. Sometimes, it's faster to feel the meaning behind the generally understood Japanese phrases than read the meaning from words I can't figure out. But now that I'm used to it, I find it pretty good practice both in listening to Japanese and in reading simplified Chinese.

Pretty good practice indeed. If only bro could get up to speed so I don't have to worry about him reading bits and pieces and not enjoying the anime as much...

I just found out that there's a movie on Mushishi acted by real people! but there's only Chinese sub, so I got that one. The movie is good, but to my disappointment, it is still far from the beautiful effect achieved in the anime. A couple of things.

1. The guy acting as Ginko looks younger than the Ginko in the anime.
2. The music lacks the particular quality of music in the anime. True, it's still kind of peaceful, but the style is different. The music appearing in the beginning of the movie reminds me of Australian Aboriginal music, which just doesn't cut it!!
3. The Ginko in the movie smokes using a smoking pipe rather cigarette.
4. The movie lacks the subtle humour in the anime.

But the movie provides us with an alternate, more definite ending. In the movie, Ginko regains his memory and remembers Nui, the female Mushishi who has saved him while he was trapped in a mudslide (he's forgotten that particular incident too, and of course, of his mother's death).  To me, I found it shocking that Nui is still alive, and that added the emotional punch you often found pervading the anime. In the end, Ginko wandered back to the place where he once lived with Nui, found the near-dead female mushishi, and gave her a proper farewell.

If a person hasn't watched the anime and jumps directly to the movie, I think most of the better qualities of the movie would have been lost on him. Still, better off watching the anime though, which is far more beautiful in every aspect. Yes, it's beautiful. I don't think even Kanon 2006 comes up to its standard.

---------------

My uni timetable got a bit messed up because of a subject I decided to drop. Maybe I'll end up doing three subjects only. The highlight this sem falls on the course "Philosophical issues in Education". The lecture is interactive, and part of the assessment requires us to keep a journal on our thoughts on the issues discussed. I think it'll be a very stimulating course. I hope I can cope with it!

Got an email about a new General education course on Christian worldview. uh, wish I could take it, but I've already obtained exemptions for my gen ed. courses! awww...

Not sleeping too well recently because all of my classes start at 9am, so I've to get up at 6:30. Get up, but often wake up before that, sometimes at 5am (at three too... crazy). I hope I can settle into the routine soon.

On the writing front, I'm enjoying the exercise in Himsati the RPG. I think the idea itself has potential to attract some attention (wonder how many people are interested in myths?), after all, it is based on Neil Gaiman's American Gods... but rather than focussing on the guy who isn't even a god, Himsati focuses on various gods in question and the war they bring with them. The OP has some really cool ideas linking various phenomenons on earth (e.g the last ice age) with the gods. In fact, one of his central ideas would offend a lot of Christians. Still, it's amazing how he could come up with them. The writing itself is a challenge because you're controlling one character with various past lives. It's like writing different characters and different personalities, only that they all happen to occupy the same body. I think my progress in characterisation has improved through this RP.

On the other hand, I got a pm from Paul (that's paulewog if any CF people are around). He's found himself a smaller christian forum to frequent and will be graduating next year! Always great to hear news from old friends. *wistful*

I've lost a lot of interest in HP since book 6, but due to all the hype going on and that I wanted to pass the time before uni started, I picked up HP7 on sat morning. I still got distracted while reading by anime and TV, but I got there...

Harry Potter is essentially a modern/fantasy/detective series. Modern - in the modern age. Fantasy - in its fantastical elements of magic. Detective - in its obvious Harry and gangs following clues and hints style.

HP7 has much more action than the previous books. It has more secrets, more mysteries, and Harry is essential to the plot of overthrowing the dark lord. What I like about HP7 is the revelation of the secrets and the past. The ending battle scene is extraordinary, and the twist satisfactory. It's great to see other characters doing something important for a change, like Neville's courageous act against Voldemort, Molly Weasley's one on one duel with Bellatrix, Dobby rescuing the gang, Kreacher helping catch the thief...

There are some places of the book that I've problems with. For example, why the baddies failed to get to Sirius' old home after Harry and Hermione have uttered Voldemort's name for like 5 times? I was pretty sure Harry didn't die by the end of the book because a few chapters before that, he was told he had to die to finish Voldemort.

And why Harry? I understand how he needed to build that conviction himself to walk up to Voldemort and be killed, but why the secrecy in the search of the Horcruxes? I still don't see why Dumbledore didn't share his plan with some other adults, but instead, trusted the task to three barely of age wizards who didn't know enough magic to defend themselves!

And the final line of the book was worded in an abrupt manner.

"The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well."

First sentence felt like there was more to come, then "All was well" was placed straight after it, dampening the impact of the ending in its positioning and itself being such a cliche. I guess Rowling's deliberate use of the phrase was aimed to close the book with the feeling of a child's bedside story/fairytale, but I think that's unnecessary. The book has become much more adult than the first book... like Harry, the book is no longer just a child's tale. She could have written the the end bit much more dramatically, leaving a much more emotionally powerful image.

Ultimately, Harry Potter, IS a series written for children and adolescents. We can see from the way it's written: the third person limited perspective focussing on the teenage hero, Harry; the easy-to-follow detective style, the didactic elements in the books, the ending phrase of HP7, and the sheer impossibility of Dumbledore leaving the task of finding the 6 Horcruxes to only three kids.

I still like Harry Potter despite its shortcomings. The world Rowling has created is just too fascinating. Some people complain that we don't get to see more of the Ministry of Magic in HP7, but that's because Rowling has never intended HP to go beyond the scope of a child's perspective. I think Rowling can surely delve into the adult aspects of the world, as the world has such a great potential for many great stories.

"So your friends are like leather." - blewin

Yesterday, me and Anna went to a Korean hairdresser at Eastwood and had my hair cut. I didn't want it permed? because of the chemical, so the hairdresser just applied heat to my hair, temporary curls. But hey, I got curly hair for the first time, and it looked..... nice. It felt really awkward walking on the streets with people looking at me. I'm so totally not used to it. Anyway, afterwards, we went shopping at Macquarie and Anna was stressing out trying to fulfill her promise to get me some uh, more updated clothes. So, I got dressed up like a doll... then we came back to my place and had dinner.

Today, my Egyptian student couldn't stop looking at my curls. I was thinking of keeping it for Minh later but I couldn't imagine going out on thur night in the shopping centre.... so I washed my hair and it went all straight. Got a phone call from mum that she's already booked our tickets, so end of year I'm going to Taiwan!!

Met up with Minh for dinner. We had pizza and uh, I forgot the name. We had a good chat, and she talked about this guy she likes at work. She was saying something about having friends that last, which prompted the above quote from me (coz she likes leather - it lasts). haha. that was funny... we walked about a bit after dinner, and Minh was trying to dress me up too. So on her insistence, I tried out some dresses. Was it fun? um... at least I know it's good since she recommends it.

Tomorrow, I'm taking a walk with Anna at 6am. It's her idea. I hope it won't prove too taxing, having to get up that early.

Being a fantasy fan, the only sci-fic novels I ever read were of the Star Wars series. I don't know why, maybe because I like the movies a lot. But it was with excitement and a great deal of pleasure when the invisible block was removed and I started diving into other sci-fic series. I think two things made it possible. First, having read Erikson's Malazan series makes it difficult for me to pick up other fantasy series; and second, my desire to invade the Modern/futuristic RPG forum has urged me to get up to date with its materials.

So I went to the library and browsed around books with the sci-fic labels on them. As a complete newbie in the genre, I had no idea where to start. I asked around earlier about Star Trek, but I only found one ST book in my browsing, and I didn't like the book cover, so I went for something that was bound to be good. Ender's Game. Not because I knew anything about it, but because it had won the Hugo and Nebula awards (shown on the book cover).

I finished the book in three days, even though I was supposed to be studying for my exams.....well, not studying enough, uh, yes, exams next week...

um, impression? The idea of children fighting and training like real soldiers, and their actually being able to reach an adult mindset is foreign and shocking to me. I kept having to remind myself that the characters were only around 6-12 yr of age, even though they talked so much like adults.  I like Ender.  He'd kind, smart, determined, and at the same time, he's human. He can get hurt, he can cry and laugh, and he feels remorse. 3/4 of a way through the book, I was surprised that I kept reading, all because of Ender. I've been wondering where the book was going. It was already 3/4 through the story, and Ender was still training! Would the book ever get to the stage where Ender have to fight the 'buggers'?

It turns out that that was exactly what Ender had been doing. The realisation, though unanticipated, wasn't surprising. And I was completely thinking in Ender's persona while reading the book, realising in Ender's persona what had just transpired.

Lucky I like Ender, else I wouldn't have finished the book.

The book is more about Ender's psychological struggle than actions. Though there're plenty of battle strategies to keep it entertaining and stimulating, it is Ender's journey to being a commander that makes you turn page after page. It's painful reading Ender's Game, like you're trying to hold everything together but it's doing all it can to fall apart. It is the character Graff, who pushes Ender to his mental limit, believing that is what is needed to produce the greatest commander to win the war. Ender is isolated. He's put into difficult positions where he has to make his own escape. No help will ever be granted to Ender, even when his life is in danger from other students. He is bullied. He is cut off from the only sibling who cares for him. He fights more battles than any trainee commander is given.

Sure, Graff's method results in Ender's seeming ruthlessness. On the other hand, Graff's method nearly ends in disaster, when Ender contemplates throwing it all away and not playing the game anymore (i.e not commanding). Is Graff right? Is pushing Ender in such a ruthless way necessary? It seems all a gamble to me.

Regardless, it's been an excellent read! and I just found out that there's actually a series on it, and there's also another series on one of the side characters. Great! I've found myself a great series before the start of the holiday.

I got a letter from Angela today. Her mum's got blood disease, and she might die anytime. That's one big and terrible surprise.

The second surprise came in the later part of the letter, when Angela mentioned that she and her mum were reading the bible everyday, and that she's fine because she has Jesus.

I remember writing to her about the gospel many years ago, and praying intermittently for God to open her heart (yeah, very bad of me...).  Imagine my surprise when I read what she's written!  I'm saddened about her mum, but am also glad that  they've found Jesus.  Now  all of my primary school friends that I keep contact with have come to know Jesus on His timing. Isn't God wonderful?

I think I'm going to write an answer back today. May God continue to bring peace to the family.

"In a landscape torn with grief..."
- Opening line of prologue in "Reaper's Gale" by Steven Erikson

I reckon this opening line encompasses the entire series. SE's huge theme is of history. People never learn from history. People make the same mistakes again and again. There's nothing new in the present because it's all been done. SE's magical world, of spirits, of ghosts, of memories..... even though humans have forgotten, the land 'remembers'.

Grief, written across the human heart of the present, forgotten in time, but lives in the land.

The last part of "Reaper's Gale" is a-m-a-z-i-n-g. And I literally drowned in it. *still catching my breath!* I don't believe how he could kill off Toc and Trull like that. So, pointless, so, uh, pointless!

sure, pointless death is one of the trademarks, but pointless death of these two just..... is just too much to bear.. *shake head* man, how epic they are, the tragic stories of Toc and Trull, seeming reflection of one another.

Moments in RG:

There's some funny parts, as usual of SE's style, but I can see there's less humour in RG than in the other Malazan novels.

Toc: Toc's last appearance was in book 4. He reappeared in book 7 (RG) with his army dead, betrayed. Having suffered so much already, he was again, being abused and mistreated. He stayed with the people who had betrayed him, and he ended up saving them in the end - at the cost of his life. Yes, that was tragic, but was more tragic was that his friend had actually been shadowing these people with his own army, intending to avenge Toc AND not knowing that Toc was with these people all along! so Tool realised too late that it was Toc being killed out there by another army (thankfully, not Tool's own). But it was still hard to stomach - emotionally.

Trull: Trull... uh, Trull!! A man of true noble spirit. He finally met his love, the woman whom he wasn't even sure whether she loved him. well, it was quite a restrained love between Trull and Seren, restrained but intense. Anyway, he was reunited with Seren, but while he was sitting in the arena beside his dead brother, trying to ask forgiveness (though of course, Trull should be the one venting his anger!) and telling Rhulad he had forgiven him, Trull got stabbed to death in the back by some random Letherii.... - who actually went to kill off the last Edur in the city because of that damn Errant's nudge. gee, how most of Malazan readers hate the Errant now. Hate that meddling god. So Seren, just newly betrothed, hoping for a bright future and happily burying Trull's sword and spear in the threshold of her house (the Edur custom of betrothal), became a widow...

But what's more! Trull's new friends arrived upon the scene only seconds too late!! Seconds! Seconds in which Trull's life could have been saved. uhhhh, these pointless deaths and near misses are driving me mad!

Other moments:

ha, on the other hand, it's great to see Karsa and Samar's relationship developing further. Though it was a suspicion, I wasn't never quite sure what Karsa felt for Samar.

and Tehol became the Emperor of Lether? come on! Tehol?? that 'financial genius' who is always walking about with nothing on but a blanket wrapped around his middle, eating poisonous and who-knows-what kind of 'food', sleeping on his roof and joking around. Sure, he's a genius all right, he single-handedly brought down the entire economy of the Empire! but... Tehol the Emperor.... haha, nothing can be more ironic and fitting as that.

Hedge, Hedge came back to life.

Onrack, regaining his human body before he lost it in the ritual all those thousands of years ago, and meeting up with his love, having his love returned. man, that was a story grand enough to rival Trull and Toc's deaths. Only that Onrack hasn't been given as much POV time, so I feel more for Trull. oh, but Onrack got a good ending (though with SE, can never be sure!).

Of course, more philosophising, but for once, I wasn't paying as much attention..

*still trying to catch my breath*

damn SE, killing off Trull like that!

"So the challenge is to not to read too much because exams are only four weeks away!"
- blewin

I ordered "Reaper's Gale" off amazon.uk, 1. because the local bookstore couldn't tell me any info about the book's release date, and 2. because amazon.uk offered a discount on the price. Somebody did the same thing (only ordered a bit earlier than me) and said the price is a few dollars cheaper than getting the book here. Anyway, the book's been dispatched and I should be getting it next week.

---except I don't get to spend the Dymocks vouchers I've saved up since the year 2000, that's all---

*excited*

uh!!! can't contain my excitement. I hope it wouldn't be too distracting, because end of sem is arriving and I really want to do good in my studies.

Yesterday I met up with Minh at Parra. We had lunch (shared a pizza and salad and got iced chocolate), and had a very good chat. She whinged a lot as usual (in the good way). Talked for my share too, but that's ok. She'll be working in Parra soon, so we'll have plenty of opportunities to meet up... which is great for someone lazy like me. We then shopped around for shoes, not my shoes, her (and her mum's) shoes. Truth to say, though it was fun in a way, it was also boring... time flew anyway, while I yawned and told her she was asking for opinion from the wrong person (smart girl, she asked a fellow customer afterwards :D). I don't know much about what looks good and what not. man... other than her, I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me 'shopping-wise'. Lucky I parked the car outside Westfield, because we ended up staying for longer than 3 hrs.

mum called again. It's been... what? only 2-3 months? and she's already bored. Even though it was almost Mother's Day, I couldn't put up with her. 'Bored' is just such a lame excuse!

"After all, whoever decided that competition is always and without exception a healthy attribute?"
- Bugg in "Midnight Tides" by Steven Erikson

Bugg was talking about the money greedy empire of Lether in the novel, how the thirst for more allows the existence of blood-chilling events to pass as 'common'. A lot of wisdom in the books is directed against planet Earth of the 21st cen. You can't help see the parallels there, but what SE does so admirably well is that readers accept his viewpoints without the feeling that they have been 'preached at', as in heads ducked in a barrel of water. I'm pretty sure I've labelled this quote in one of my entries, but heck... this fantasy series is simply amazing and without equal.

ok, back to the what I originally wanted to write last week. I watched a movie called "Reign over me", about a guy who's lost his whole family in the 911 event. Adam Sandler portrayed Charles beautifully. I cried a couple of times through the movie. uh, well, what struck me besides the story was the cinematic technique. In the beginning, when the film was showing the names of director etc, it followed Charles on his scooter as he drove on the streets. Gave me the sense of loneliness as we followed Charles into his traumatic and chaotic world of the 911 aftermath. In the middle of the movie, his dentist friend (who is the narrator) hopped onto his scooter, and that symbolised the trouble that the dentist was having with his own family. Then in the end, Charles moved to a new apartment and his scooter was mistaken by the security guard as someone else's. The scooter passed out of Charles's hand (leaving behind his past). The dentist drove the scooter from Charles's place on his own, signifying a departure from his tangle of problems.

I think that scooter thing is pretty cool... of its engine (riding an engine-powered scooter - that to me, comes as close as surfing the waves of the sky in "Eureka Seven" the anime) and its symbolism.

oh, that movie is also more then that. It is the culmination of the discussion Anna and I had all day. It hit Right There. But I don't remember the thing that hit Anna the most, um, probably coz it isn't my problem so I have trouble recalling it. We were thinking of watching the cartoon movie, but missed it. Anna's bro suggested This movie instead, the timing was perfect, so we watched it. Isn't God wonderful uh?

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
- Hebrews 12:2

CCF cell group did outreach yesterday. It was a short 45 (4:45 - 5:30) min walk around campus. My group (3 of us) managed, by God's hand, to talk with three uni students in that short period of time. I was thinking of just tagging along, since I haven't had much outreach experience, let alone in uni! but the process was easier than it appeared. Just walk up to lonely looking person and ask whether he/she may want to do a survey for us.

The first person we talked to was having a coffee at Matt arcade, he didn't want to hear the gospel coz he's heard of it already, but we still got to chat a bit about religion (a buddhist). The second person was a girl at Matt's cafeteria, just eating her dinner. She was more open than the other guy, having lots of christian friends but was an atheist herself. God surprised me here for He put words in my mouth, and somehow, I just.. talked. We cleared up the bit about the gospel that she found complicated, and she was surprised how simple it was. Anyway, 3rd guy was an overseas Malaysian 1st yr student, a buddhist, who had just arrived in Australia for a month. He listened anyway, though I though he looked a bit awkward and bored, uh well, Hugo was getting rather long-winded at the end.

The two accompanying CCF friends have both done outreach before. There's a girl (weird, she just gave me her chinese name, not english) doing neuroscience, and Hugo doing Maths/Ed. Having gotten the contact details from our targets, and with time running out, we met up with the other outreach team and had a quick chat over things. Vien went with Tommy to lower campus. They got rejected twice. Once a person said he'd do the survey, then when he saw it was about religion, he flatly refused.

Sounds like Donald and the others did outreach on wed too. I wonder why they pick so late a time to do it. 5pm?

But it's a good experience. Only that I realise one thing. Uni people aren't as prepared as an outside church in terms of doing proper preparation and training for things like outreach and bible study, coz of the time issue and the fact that many of the people are new christians. But it is in their inadequacy  that God provides.  Can really see this in them.