Trying to get back up

I caught up with a good friend today, and she gave me a lot of encouragement. I made her talk a lot..

You can't change yourself, only God can.

She used an analogy that had me laughing. We're the clay. All we should be doing is sit still and let the potter do his work, but the clay keep wanting to be a cup before the potter gets through with the process. I've this funny image of the clay yelling what it wants to be. hehe.

And yeah, i do realise that i can't strengthen myself. My help comes from Him, not through me. But sometimes, i wonder whether He really is there. Whether it isn't just myself being delusional. And i feel guilty. If i want to go back to Him just because i'm afraid of what's happening in life, then it isn't fair for Him.

But she said she's admitted it. Admitted that we only reach out to God when we need Him, and He knows it. Yet we feel guilty about it, and we turn away from Him.

oh, i see that logic.. and how it can seriously hinder my journey with Him.

When we lack something, ask Him to give it to us. When we lack a genuine heart to care, a genuine heart to love, ask Him for it.

*sigh* what annoys me more is that I know all this. I know, yet i can be so blind that i need someone else to point that out to me. Just when i thought i know everything, i realise that there's still a long way to go.

ok, my first step for now - gotta start praying again.